I am a mother of three amazing girls. My firstborn Rehtaeh died by suicide when she was just 17yrs old. Rehtaeh was a bright straight A student entering high school at 15yrs old when she was raped and a photo taken of her assault. The photo was distributed throughout her school and community for 17months as Rehtaeh struggled to navigate her trauma and the systems that failed to support her struggle.
The impact of her death was felt around the world. Shock and sadness set in as the details leading up to her death unfolded in the media . Rehtaeh desperately tried to heal and move forward with her life. Every step along that journey was blocked with barriers and she was unable to find enough resources to allow her healing to begin. Some of the resources that were not helpful included the very systems put in place to support victims of violence such as the police, the school and mental health agencies.
The emotional crumbling of an already stressed life occurred for me the day Rehtaeh told me about the assaults and the photo. Watching my vibrant ambitious girl fade away day after day will attempting to find help will haunt me for life. The unimaginable happened and Rehtaeh died by suicide April 7, 2013 what was left of me was broken wide open.
She fought so hard to stay here but in that moment….the moment won!
Suddenly I was at the forefront of the media talking about the worst pain imaginable. I knew one truth at that time. I didn’t want her voice silenced!
She fought too hard to speak her truth. She knew what happened to her was wrong and she was so angry, frightened, sad, depressed, anxiety ridden but mostly defeated.
Rehtaeh's experience started to spark conversations on news outlets such as CNN, People Magazine, The Dr Phil Show, CBC and countless media outlets. Documentaries continue to be made. Some include – “”UnSlut – A Documentary Film”” , “”No Place to Hide – The Rehtaeh Parsons Story”” . A separate one filmed for a Japanese audience and a recent “”Web of Lies- The Girl in the Photo”” on ID T.V.
Universities textbooks have included Rehtaeh in their criminology programs. Laws have been changed and implemented . Bill C -13 The Criminal Code of Canada, Cyber Abuse legislation (Nova Scotia)
Reviews and changes to the Justice System & Mental Health System have also been implemented. The ripples of loss and impact are many but so are the societal shifts because her story became more than a statistic.
Rape and cyber abuse does not have a “”type””. These are crimes that continue to occur around the world. Rehtaeh's experience resonated with so many people near and far because Rehtaeh could be anyone's sister, niece, daughter, friend, granddaughter or neighbour.
The impact of emotional pain in our family life every day since Rehtaeh left is vast and deep. Her two little sisters were forced to navigate trauma at a very young age.
The emotional path I walk is a continual struggle however, speaking up and sharing my voice with her message has been instrumental on my journey. Deciding to walk inward and face the darkness saved my life.
At some point I decided to choose “”LIFE”” and commit to my journey of inner awareness – stepping on a spiritual path and embracing all that I am. Turning inward gave me the trust and faith to continue on my journey one step at a time. This does not mean I do not feel tremendous pain emotionally and physically but it means that self-care that led to deep self-love is my top priority.
I know that speaking my Truth allows others to speak their truth.
Healing our Communities one person at a time starts with us.
“”We Must Be The Change We Wish To See in the World”” Gandhi
(Rehtaeh's Favourite Quote)